This page is just me rambling about gender and my transition n stuff. I think about it a lot and i like when other ppl write about this stuff online, so here's the story if you're interested :)) Honestly "my gender" isn't just a static point in time or some tangible thing I can hold and inspect and say "yeah thats my gender", its like the entire building of this experience and it cant be summed at that simple. also we are an "OSDD" system so its kinda weird. you feel me?
right now i'd call myself a genderfluid/genderqueer dyke. a weird girl who's kind of a fag and kind of a wolfdog. transmascfem. mostly t4t, and "bi lesbian" describes me most of the time too. its all very layered, lol. im not very adamant about people seeing me that way irl, most people just see me as a gay guy at the moment which sucks but its fine because what is the point in trying to talk to my cis coworkers and family about my genderlol.

i've been out as trans since December 31st 2017, i remember it really well because it was new years. i am writing this exactly 7 years later, wild.
anyway when I came out, i came out as a trans man. It was a rlly confusing time for me because tbh i didnt really know what i wanted to be, i just decided i didnt want to be a girl. and i kind of wish i was in a better enviornment cuz i mightve experimented more! but after like a week or two of that i was just like okay well im not a girl i guess i must be a boy then and i fell into that pit of truscum discourse and really vilified the idea of being nonbinary or something. then like a year later in 2019 i loosened up a lot and stopped arguing with people online about dysphoria discourse and i realized i wasnt really feeling like a Man anymore, but i was kind of just a person in that territory at this point and i was totally fine with that. this was before i was on testosterone, which was something i was insanely depressed over and made my dysphoria really bad and easy to trigger. like through all of this time, even after i stopped wanting to look like a cis guy, i really did not like the shapes of my body or my voice, and i fantasized a lot about how i would dress and act after getting on testosterone- which was more fem because i didnt feel like i was compensating for anything u know. i did start experimenting more tho, i was getting happier with myself and finding ways to balance looking like a guy and wearing what i wanted. i also started going by sasha, but mostly online cuz people irl kind of just ignored it and i didnt argue with them lol. in 2020 i DID finally start testosterone, which was super awesome for me. for years i just cruised thru life as a nonbinary gay guy. i didnt really worry about my gender for a while, i was just happy how i was and worried about other shit in my life like my job and my friends and not killing myself.
in 2021 after a series of events i ended up feeling REAAAALLLYYY GAY about a girl and felt very butchy and a lot of old feelings of being a queer girl came back to me. cuz i really pushed that down hard for a while lol. i realized i was more comfortable with feeling stuff like that because i was on testosterone and it didnt just trigger my dysphoria, which i was sooo grateful for. at this point i was on testosterone for about 7-8 months and i was feeling rlly good about my body. anyways that was something i was public about on social media, but was not very secure with irl as far as i remember. we never really told anyone that for a while and we kinda forgot about it LOL.
since then our gender has been less.. mono. which is still something we're exploring the intracacies of. my family and work has always seen me as a man since i came out. to doctors im a man. to most people i interact with i dont argue if they call me a man, even if they mightve seen me say otherwise on my instagram story or something.
My transition feels very different to other people's, you know? like i came out as a trans guy. was good for a while, and now after ive been seen as just a binary man to most people for 7 years, i feel like im slowly transitioning more into girlhood again, but on my own terms with a body im happier in and im still very trans and very genderqueer.

im a genderqueer girl who was a guy who was a girl who's a lesbian who's sometimes a fag and sometimes a dog but everyone sees it as a gay trans guy for simplicities sake and its kinda suffocating.thats my gender if i had to say